I love the MTC! And I say that with all the sincerity of my heart. It's amazing the way it forces us to grow and develop as missionaries and in ways that I never before imagined.

To help you understand I guess I could share a piece of my testimony -

I know that the Lord really, truly appreciates spiritual preparation. I know this because I felt very inadequate when I arrived as far as preparation of my knowledge was concerned, but that was only because I was comparing myself to others. I have since learned that the only way to progress for myself is to think, act and compare myself only to myself, to set goals that make me stretch and reach but not so much that I can't obtain them. In setting goals like these, I have come to understand that through intense study sessions and trying to memorize blocks of scriptures that the number of scriptures memorized or the more you know isn't as important as how much of your mind the Holy Ghost can help you access. So read, study, pray, and teach and my understanding of gospel principles will grow even if it may not seem like it. When I have the spirit with me and I listen with real intent it will tell me what to say and how to say it. I love you guys so much and am excited to hear about Gilbert, Arizona. I absolutely love my district and I can't thank Heavenly Father enough to be placed in it, it's the perfect district for me and I love all the Elders and Sisters in it a lot, I love their testimonies and watching them grow and develop them alongside mine. I love this gospel and I can't wait to get out and start serving in the field.

Thank you guys for supporting me so much and helping me so greatly, I can really feel the power that you bring to my mission and I appreciate it.

Santa, Fun???

Conversations

Hallie: "What is misery?"

Me: "misery is when you are totally miserable. Think totally uncomfortable, miserable awful."

Hallie: "I thought it was a state"

That's My Girl

Yep, no doubt she is mine. Should I be worried about OCD?

Addy is such a "little mama" she follows me around and has to do whatever I am doing. It is really special and oh so helpful when she "helps" with the dishes. Usually by the end of it I have a pool of water on my counters and floors. But, oh how she loves it. She also helps empty the dishwasher by putting the silverware away. She pushes a stool over to the counter and organizes all of the silver. I just wish that she would understand that not all spoons and forks are the same. Some are bigger than others and have their own place. She fights me over this aspect and insists that all spoons big and small and all forks big and small should be put together. Whenever I go to start the laundry she follows right behind, pushes the step stool over and has to help put the clothes in the washer. She also likes to pickup any wet clothes that don't quite make it to the dryer, I can't help but love that, less bending over for me! Hehe.

Summer 2010 (So Far) in Pictures.

I have been a blogger slacker lately, this is why:

In June we went up Springville Canyon and spent a week at Hal's Uncle's cabin, it was FANTASTIC! The kids enjoyed every single minute of it! No cell phones, T.V. or friend's to distract us from spending time together as a family. We played LOTS and LOTS of games, shot some pool, learned how to shot bb and pellet guns, built a fire pit with bricks, played with a TON of vintage toys all circa 1970-1980; Hal and I enjoyed going down memory lane playing with these toys. We put together our fair share of puzzles and enjoyed 3 meals a day together sitting around a table. FANTASTIC!

We also were visited by a bear. It came during the night and threw garbage all around the porch. It left greasy footprints and claw marks to let us know it had been there.

Paw print


Hallie learning how to shoot a bb gun


Trenton and Hallie playing Battleship


Jack going on one of MANY "Bear Hunts" with his pop cap gun. Funny thing was that when he started hunting for bears we didn't actually think there was one up there!!!


A week after we got home from the cabin, Hal's grandma died. It was a beautiful service for a wonderful woman. I loved being with Hal's family, getting to know Uncle Jack & Aunt Diane and their children better was definitely a highlight. Why is it that we have to have a tragic thing happen to get to know family better?


And of course we had our annual trip up to Payson Lakes. We stayed
3 days and 2 horrible nights, let me just say the "little's" were NAUGHTY! Hallie ended up going to her cousin Lucy's for the weekend, so we made a switch and took Lucy's brother Parker with us, Kyler also came, so we had 3 BIG boys with us to help keep camp, haul stuff to the water and entertain us with their marshmallow wars and Phase 10 skills.

Jack enjoying the dirt. I swear dirt is a kid magnet, especially for Jack. He just can't get enough of the stuff!







Just last week we went camping with some cousins of mine. We went up Fairview Canyon, it was beautiful. The little's slept better, thank goodness since Hal and Trenton were not with me because they went to Scout camp. I don't know why this is one of the only pictures I got of camping up Miller's Flat, but it probably has something to do with DIRT! There was this fantastic dirt pile right in the middle of our camp, it had special dirt, dirtier dirt, dirtier then normal dirt. It used to be a fire pit, so it had ash mixed in with dirt, not to mention broken glass, and trash. NOT a good combo for trying to keep kiddo's safe and trailers clean. Can I just say that there are certain outfits that are not even worthy of donating to DI because of this dirt! Thank goodness that no one got cut on broken glass, but what a challenge trying to keep a bunch of kids away from this dirt! On our last day there, we found out that some one had constructed an awesome swing. The older kids (and even Jack with an adult) all enjoyed swinging. I even took a turn. Sad that we didn't know about it a few days earlier.


Anyway, add to this a working again (YAY!!!), Hal being made 1st counselor in the young mens, a few trips to parks, grandma's and playing with kiddo's equals one super busy, tired mama.

Summer is coming to an end WAY too fast!

A Tragic Ending

We have had a little Robin couple move into our tree in the backyard. It has been SO much fun watching them build their nest. They fly around the back yard squawking, picking up twigs and mud. They built a beautiful nest.


And then, the mommy bird started laying eggs. Oh what fun! The kids have been watching all of this happen and ask everyday if the birds have hatched. Jack asks over and over "see eggs?!?!" He loves being held up to look at them. We watched as she laid 4 eggs, one each day. And then she started laying on them, spending hours upon hours keeping her little ones warm. Hoping for them to hatch, so that she could feed her babies. We watched the papa bird, bring his mate food. Watch over her and squawk at everyone who came too close. We have had the pleasure of being able to keep our bedroom window open the last few nights to enjoy the fresh air. We also enjoyed hearing "our birds" sing.

The Mama


The Papa



All 4 eggs



Today, I looked out the window and didn't see the mama sitting on her eggs. It was eerily quite from our open window. I didn't see either the mama or the papa. I wasn't too concerned. Maybe they were out looking for food. Well, a couple of hours later I looked again, still no mama or papa. I went to take a closer look. This is what I found.

First a missing egg


The guilty looking party


And the proof



I hope the Mama and Papa come back and sit on the remaining eggs. It looks like one of them is cracked, so only 2 that look hopeful. Sad. I feel so bad for the poor mama.

Loser

It is 4am, I am up. I am mad. I am frustrated. I am having a pity party. All. By. Myself.

My little people won't sleep. I have basically been up with them all night long. The actual 1 hour when they were both asleep, I sat in bed listening to Hal snore, wondering if he has sleep apnea. So, I tossed and turned. Trying to will myself to go to sleep. To not let Hal's snoring bother me. To not think that at any minute one or both of my kids were going to wake up, probably at just the minute that I fall asleep. So, instead of getting all ticked off that after 5 minutes of shut eye I am staring at Jack next to my bed or listening to Addy scream from her crib. I just don't go to sleep. Good thing I didn't even try. Because it has been a HORRIBLE night. Tonight is one of those nights that I am so extremely thankful that I am married, that I have a partner that can take over when I have quite literally reached my wits end.

So, now that I am all worked up, ticked that I am not going to get a decent nights sleep. And knowing that I have a whole day planned tomorrow that is going to be hard to get through on no sleep. I am sitting here thinking about what a failure I am as a mom. I don't deserve these 4 wonderful kids, they deserve better. Hallie had a mother daughter talent night for our ward. It really was a wonderful night, we have some really cute, talented girls in our ward. So many of them are in dance, taking piano or voice lessons, among other things. I sat there and felt bad for Hallie, I can't afford those things. Hal and I have financially hit a wall, we barely make ends meet. We don't have extra for "fluff". So, what did my daughter, who wouldn't even let me brush her hair before going over, or changed into fresh clothes do for her "talent"? She rode her ripstick. I SUCK! How embarrassing for her, that she doesn't have a "talent" to show that would lift her up and help her feel beautiful and wonderful, which of course I think she is. But, no I have not given her the opportunity to be more. Have I scarred her for life? Will she always look back and wonder why we didn't do more for her? Honestly, my sweet daughter probably actually thinks that the audience thought she was very talented and impressed with her ripstick balancing skills. She held her head up high and put on a show, smiled big and was proud of herself for what she had done. I pray that she doesn't know how I feel. That she grows up being happy with herself, that she keeps her confidence and natural high self-esteem. I pray that I don't screw up and squash her dreams. I pray that I can hide my own feelings of inadequacy from her.

Well, now it is going on 4:30. Pity party is over and tomorrow is another day. Maybe I should try and actually get a little sleep. Now that I have vented a little, that might be possible. Probably not, but I should give it a try.